Danger, Danger

Holy crap, Batman! Reno, Nevada is flooding. I am reminded of college and the 1997 New Year's Day flooding. HORRIBLE! So much for a fun filled last couple of days of vacation! Yesterday, we planned to ice skate, play at the indoor rock climbing wall, and take a cable car ride at Squaw Valley USA. Instead, all we did there was eat and watch the fucking rain!!! I suppose there will be no ice skating or skiing anytime soon and I have to go back to work on Tuesday. That SUCKS! Hubby woke me up this morning to tell me about all the flooding. We have a friend to pick up at the airport tonight and we have other friends coming up to the Lake for our little new year's party. Hmmm...we shall see what pans out! We might be lonely.
Happy New Year to all!

Ramblings and Advice from a SpyCgirl

Jesus, I am up late AGAIN.
I need to be up early, but whatever.
I will have to suffer tomorrow.
I will not be grouchy! I will not be grouchy! I will not be...oh fuck it...I might be grouchy tomorrow.
Today was another easy vacation day. We saw a movie (Memoirs of a Geisha) and ate a fab dinner (thanks Hubby) with friends. Our friend's mother arrived from Paris and she came bearing gifts. How sweet and oh so thougthful! I now have a French shawl that is absolutely beautiful and authentic. Lucky me. I am thankful and I can't wait to wear it.:)

Other thoughts...
I am proud to say I possess a big attitude problem.
It seems to get bigger each year, but many of you knew that already.
As the year comes to a close I feel the need to cleanse myself and confess my sins.
Hmmm....
OR NOT!
Are they really sins or are they just impulsive thoughts and experiences?
I guess that depends on whether you are a Christian or an atheist.
I am an atheist.
They are just impulsive thoughts and experiences.
Shit, ADHD moment...back to my original point...


I have several thoughts I have pondered and I need a place to vent, so here goes.
For starters, THEY are everywhere! You KNOW who I am talking about, don't you? It's those damned right winged freaks. At breakfast this morning, we picked up a local community newspaper I will refer to as TOILET PAPER or TP! The people writing in this paper are fucking crazy! They refer to liberals as cookie cutters and secular which is exactly what they are and what liberals are trying to prevent. FUCKING HACKS! They claim we won the war in Vietnam. They dedicated their entire front page to the "War on Christmas." Last I checked they and GOP TV declared the so-called War on Christmas. MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS YOU FUCKING FUCKWITS! I HOPE HILLARY RUNS AND WINS IN 2008! TAKE THAT AND SMOKE IT IN YOUR PIPES!

Onto next topic: BABIES

I have reached an age in my life when many think that since I am married it is time for me to BREED!
Oh, Jesus,
I feel no need to incubate a parasite for nine months and then pop it out.
I have considered that I MAY one day breed, but I don't know I can be rather selfish for all the right reasons.

Until then...

Consider some advice from a SpyCgirl!

1.Remind people not to wear fur. If you see it on others, do the animals a favor and kindly tell your peps their coat is bleeding!
2.When others ask why you aren't prego or already with child, fill them in...you've been vaccinated!
3.If you have nothing nice to say, consider sitting next to a SpyCgirl, I mean sit on a SpyCgirl's lap (yes, she is probably looking for some action). Maybe you will end up being BFF (you know, Best Friends Forever)!

*Please note I have added "The 411 on SpyCgirl" to the sidebar because I know you are all DYING to know more about me!

Happy Friday!

Bad Habits

It's almost 2 in the morning.
I am not tired.
Really,
I mean it.
I have been on vacation for a week and a half.
Now I stay up late and get up late.
I love being a rebel.

I love being a night owl. As a child, I loved sleeping in late in the morning. I especially loved staying at my grandma's house because she is a night owl too. We stayed up late reading trashy novels and slept the morning away.

My first day back at work is really going to suck.
I am learning BAD HABITS here!
Tonight Dytz and I played two games of Carcassone!
He fucking killed me during our second game.
Bitch.
All right, I'll forgive him...I won the first couple times we played.
Payback can be hell!
Oh my God, my vacation will be over soon.
That sucks.

We went out for Thai food tonight. It was so much fun to drive in the snow. It was beautiful. Kevin finally got to use 4-wheel drive!

Ahh, maybe I'll go have another piece of cake.
Here's to bad habits! Cheers and remember, don't be a FUCKWIT!

Death By Chocolate

I was standing naked in the bathroom yesterday morning, waiting for the water to get hot in the shower.
Suddenly, there they were,
in the mirror,
the DIMPLES IN MY ASS.
Is God punishing me for not working out for the last month?
Oh Christ!
Oh shit!
Oh my Fucking God!
Oh that's right I don't believe in God.
Anywho,
where did they come from? I worked out for a while and they were gone.
I can't even take a 4 week hiatus?
WTF!
Oh well,
Fuck it, drive on.
Note to self: Enjoy sex often, IN THE DARK, UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE! After vacation, go back to the gym and kick butt in yoga class!

Last night I had an opportunity to scream NO to more dimples in my ass,
but I couldn't resist!
You know, it's entirely possible...
Death by chocolate,
that is.
We celebrated my father-in-law's 60th birthday by eating the most amazing chocolate cake.
About an hour ago, I had another piece.
You know, after I couldn't fight THE craving.
Damn, that was good!

Today has been a lazy day. We have enjoyed our view of Lake Tahoe from the living room. It has rained and snowed all day.

Geez, Hubby sure has a hearty laugh.
I don't know what the fuck he is watching in the other room, but he sure thinks it's funny!
I am glad to hear him laugh,actually.
The poor thing has been sick this whole week.
If asked, he would probably tell you he felt like a bag of chewed up buttholes! Ha.
Or, maybe he would just say he didn't feel that great.
Who knows.
He can be unpredictable!
That's what makes him fun!

Tonight I plan to sit by the cozy fire, watch it snow, play a fun game with friends, and drink a glass (or two) of wine.

Cheers and remember, DON'T BE A FUCKWIT!

Ahh...vacation

Wow! That's about all I can say. It is truely amazing to be here! Last year, we were in Paris and I was sad when I realized I wouldn't be going there this year. Instead, we planned a trip to Lake Tahoe. This morning I awoke to the most breathtaking view. This place is absolutely beautiful. It snowed last night and everything is dusted in white beauty! Can you imagine living here? Now that would be the perfect life. I guess I should stop complaining that I am not in Paris. This place is just as wonderful and the lakehouse is great!
I went skiing at Diamond Peak Ski Resort in Incline Village today. The weather was kind of crappy, but it was actually nice to be alone. Hubby was sick and didn't want to ski. Dytz is a snow bunny and a lodge lizard--obviously he didn't want to ski. At the last minute my ski buddy changed his mind. It ended up being nice that I could be alone with my own thoughts. Scary, I know! Tonight we played a great game called Carcassonne. It was totally fun and reminded me of France! If you are looking for a new board game this one is it. Check it out on www.amazon.com or www.riograndegames.com.

Santa puked in my house

...Not really, but that would be...
interesting!

We had Christmas early and I have since realized that we made out good!
Pricey Purse-$$
Good Knives-$$$
Laptop-$$$$
Time with family-Priceless
Isn't that ad getting old?

Last night I played Santa. Actually, I think I was Santa's bitch, but it was fun.
(MiTwife, was it as good for you as it was for me?)
MiTwife and I wrapped Christmas presents for the boys. It was nice to catch up with an old friend. I miss you when I am gone MiTwife!!!
Today we are off to the lakehouse. I am so excited to visit with friends, laugh, play in the snow, ski, and most importantly drink!
Merry Christmas to all!
May God bless you and your family-HA, that's a laugh!

The Coffee Clatch

There is something special about small town life. I always get that extra special feeling when we go to Gardnerville to visit my hubby's family. This morning bright and early at 7am (yes I actually got up before 7), my father-in-law and I went to Sharkey's for the coffee clatch. This is where you go when you want everyone to know your name (and give you a hug)! I had my $2 short stack and sat and gabbed for an hour with all of my father-in-law's friends. What fun! In case you are wondering, men DO gossip quite a bit.

What's in a name anyway?

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Candy Coxx

What's Your Porn Star Name?

Allison Ramada or Candy Coxx? Hmm...which do all of you vote for?

BK I decided to help you find your porn star name. I had so much fun (I know that isn't normal!) thinking about it that I started looking up other names. Everyone, check these out. They are all from www.jasonscock.com (Because I know all of you are wondering)!

BK-Kitty Strokum

Dytz-Kung-fu Grip

Qqflyboy-Kara Slickbooty

MiTwife (SA)-Tonya Fuzzynuts

Hsent-Sindy Strokum

BeadSlut-Oral Slickbooty

Illusionaire-Barbie Pimplebutt

Is this the Twilight zone?

Because it isn't usually this easy to get this type of action from a guy with nothing in return!

BEWARE
Mom, if you just happened to be checking in on me and seeing what I write, you may want to skip this one. I don't know if I can look you in the eye after writing such dirty thoughts. To the rest of you, this entry is sexed up, but it's my first try at writing like this. You may want to skip the popcorn and just be kind to me.

Wow, he wants me bad.
I told him I hadn't showered today. I mentioned my toothache.
Then I mentioned that I needed it. You know what I mean.
I should hurry and take a shower before he arrives. I am a bit unkept...down there at the moment.
God my tooth hurts!
On second thought, skip the shower.
Oh, I'm excited.
Maybe I should change my underwear.
They are a little wet, and grandmaish too.
Get the sexy ones on.
He should be here in ten minutes.
Quick, change the litter box. Gross!
Wash hands.
Fix hair.
God, my tooth still hurts.
Door bell.

Breathe, calm down. OPEN THE DOOR!


Am I really going to do this? You bet I am.
No strings attached.
What a relief!
What a nice smile he has!
What a nice tongue he has!

Click, the door closed. To my bedroom we walked.

An hour of blissful, lazy pleasure.
Who knew being single again could be such a breathe of fresh air...


FYI: This really happened to one of my friends the other day. A hot friend went down on her for an hour and then went home. Boy, doesn't she have it easy! Aren't you all jealous?

It's a wonderful life

Indeed, it really is a wonderful life.

This morning I awoke to that stupid alarm.
Slam, snore for 10 more minutes.
Stupid alarm again.
Slam, crap, I actually have to get up this time!
That sucks! I think I actually hit snooze for another half hour. Honestly, I never remember how many times I hit snooze. It is such a tramatic thing to get up before 6am! I always try to block out the experience.

Oh wait, I almost forgot to mention. I am excited to be getting up. I am leaving for a week and a half winter wonderland vacation. I am already thinking about the snowman I am going to make with the 2 kids I plan to rent. Well, on second thought, I will just borrow my friend's kids. We are going to have the best Martha Stewart vacation ever. Like I said, it really is a wonderful life!

Over the hills and through the woods to my in-law's house we go!!!

We were in the car on our way to the Lake Tahoe area by 7:00 am!
I am so proud.
Really I am, we stayed up way to late and we still got out of the house before 8am.
I think I deserve a medal.
Laundry, cleaning, packing, packing, and more fucking packing. Really my life was hard last night.
I definetely deserve a medeal!
Do you know how much time it takes to get ready for a skiing vacation?
I know what your are thinking.
Yes, my life really is that hard!
LOL
Christmas with family is always fun.
Especially when you get a new laptop...actually this is hubby's new laptop.
I am just borrowing it.
I also happen to be the first one to really use it!
Does that make me a bitch?
God, I love the sound of my fingers typing.
It makes me feel smart.
Sort of...

Venting

Thank God I feel better today! Saturday night I came home from a Christmas party feeling fine and I woke up yesterday with what I am guessing was the stomach flu. YUCK! I could barely get out of bed. My original plans of Christmas shopping were thrown out. The new menu included yogurt, tomato soup, plenty of Gatorade, and Pepto, oh and a marathon of Law and Order SVU and What Not To Wear. What a horrible, boring day. To top it off, my mother called last night to check on me and the fucking phone died while we were talking! Guess what...it still doesn't work. I hate Sprint. This has got to be the third or forth time they will have to come out and fix the phone line.

Today is shaping up to be pretty boring too. Nothing fun to do...just boring errands!

Just as I predicted

You Are Most Like Miranda!

While you've had your fair share of romance, men don't come first Guys are a distant third to your friends and career. And this independence *is* attractive to some men, in measured doses. Remember that if you imagine the best outcome, it might just happen. Romantic prediction: Someone from your past is waiting to reconnect... But you'll have to think of him differently, if you want things to work.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

Can a cowboy really get what he wants?

The things we consider when we can't sleep. Insomnia is such a bitch!

In my boredom, I have been surfing for the last half hour. I landed on the U.S. Department of Education's site, www.ed.gov . I think I need a drink and maybe even a good cry!


I clicked on the link that says, No Teacher Left Standing. No it was the other link. It said, "Learn more about No Child Left Behind."

Signed by the "W" on January 8, 2002 this historic reform is based on the following:

Stronger Accountability for Results
More Freedom for States and Communities
Encouraging Proven Education Methods
More Choices for Parents

Hmm...Can this cowboy really get what he wants? What exactly was Bush's plan here? It appears that N.C.L.B. isn't going anywhere and that is unfortunate, much like the pimple on my forehead! The next time I hear ignorant fucks talking about all the positive reasons to embrace this law, I am going to consider these thoughts instead:

Teaching is the profession that teaches all other professions. ~Author Unknown
A good teacher is like a candle-it consumes itself to light the way for others. ~Author Unknown
Good teachers are costly, but bad teachers cost more. ~Bob Talbert
Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition. ~Jacques Barzun
The best teachers teach from the heart, not from a book. ~Author Unknown
The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery. ~Mark Van Doren

Let N.C.L.B. rest in peace.
If you are curious, check out www.nochildleft.com for a more sound approach to school improvement.

Toxic Thoughts

Ah, winter break is finally here. At 3:06 I waved goodbye to my little monkeys, walked back to my classroom, and cleaned up after a fairly low key party. The sound of the door closing was...heaven. As I drove home I realized my vacation had finally arrived! Yippee, Lake Tahoe here I come and the stress is over (for 2 weeks). I smiled to myself as I got in my car and turned off the radio. I NEVER do that--you know, turn off the radio, but this was a special occasion. I needed to celebrate the moment. I went to my happy place. You know the one. Think Louis Armstrong, visualize it right now...

I see trees of green...red roses too
I see 'em bloom...for me and you
and I think to myself...what a wonderful wor....

...What the fuck does that say? My moment came to an abrupt end. My curiosity was peaked. Sitting at the stoplight, I noticed IT on the car in front of me. The state of Texas was on IT. Oh, here it was, my chance to indulge myself in one of my favorite TOXIC habits, Bush Bashing!

I know it is toxic to ruin a positive moment with a negative thought, but it was worth it and I couldn't resist myself...

Either I'll love it, or I'll hate it
Hmmm...I am going to go with loving it (positive thinking helps)
Oh shit, the sun is so fucking bright
I can't quite make out the letters
Inch closer
God, I hope the light doesn't turn before I see it
I can't handle the anticipation
Maybe I need Zoloft
LOL
Oh, I FUCKING love it
I haven't seen that one


"Somewhere in Texas a village is missing its idiot"

Enough said.

What's your porn name?

Call me Allison Ramada...that's my new name, I mean my porn name. I have starred in several films that include: A Cup cuties Do Vegas and Pretty Bitches Parts 1 and 2 to mention a few...okay I'll cut the crap! So what's your name? Follow the formula, look in the mirror, and practice saying your name proudly--it is good for your self-esteem!

middle name + the name of the first street you lived on = your new identity

In other news...
I was chatting with my coworkers today about the various shows in town. One of them mentioned she didn't like Avenue Q at Wynn because the content was questionable, she even walked out of the show. Then she asked me what show I saw last. I don't think anyone was impressed when I said it was Zumanity! I am sure they were even less impressed when I told them I liked it. I thought the voluptuous sisters with strawberries were very HOT! The drag queen was also fun. How can you live in Las Vegas and be such a prude? Perhaps I should take my hubby to Avenue Q after the new year.:)

Fascinating Womanhood...I think not!

Bitch, get my coffee, clean my house, birth my babies, make my dinner, and don't forget to take my coat when I come home, put away my shoes, and cut and file my nails! This would be my hubby's expectation, oops I mean Demetrius' expectation of his wife. Do you watch bad TV very often? Last night, my hubby slyly reminded me to do MY job (no, it isn't what you're thinking--dirty minds). It went something like this...Honey, you've been a very bad girl, go to our room...after you do the dishes and don't forget I made your fucking dinner! Ahhh, I love that guy. :)

To ensure that I was highly distracted while performing my duties (LOL), I turned on bad TV. WOW! I tuned in to watch my very first episode of Wife Swap on ABC. Maryland mom, Dawn and her husband Demetrius believe in "Fascinating Womanhood" as a way of life--whatever the hell that means! They believe a woman's place is in the home serving her husband's every need--she doesn't even leave the house when her husband is gone...can you imagine such a horrible life?

After "deep" thought about this new show, I realized I needed to ask myself one, simple question. What the hell would Betty do? During the commercial breaks, I reviewed my favorite how to guide "How to succeed at the expense of others in this world and the next" written by Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's BEST Christian. She reminded me what is important in my marriage and my life.

I can't believe I actually forgot about the organization, B.I.T.C.H. (Bringing Integrity To Christian Homemakers). I think I should send Dawn her very own submission muzzle. This will ensure that Demetrius never feels threatened by her again!

Oh Come All Ye Faithful

I would like to thank all of Michael's fans for remaining faithful to him when he was axed from Alias a few months ago. We all knew he would be back, didn't we? Just check out the picture. Isn't he hot? Are you panting? I sure as hell am! Oops, I'm slobbering too. Honestly, I was beginning to worry about him. His tragic end on Alias was heartbreaking...you remember, the hail of bullets, Sidney's tears (she really didn't deserve him, he was meant for me). Perhaps it was a good thing he left the show...I hear it totally sucks without him!

Very soon he will be starring in a new show called Kitchen Confidential. He is going to play a womanizing French chef--yummy. I have been fantasizing for quite some time now that he will pop up on an HBO show where I would have a better chance of seeing him naked, but this will do. I am also excited to learn that his former costar on Alias (Bradley Cooper) will star opposite him. He's another hottie that I thought was long gone. Hopefully this series won't be written by J.J. Abrams...then we can ensure that it will last longer than a few years!

By the way, I added a new link to a Michael Vartan fan site. This girl seems to love him as much as I do. No that isn't possible! I still love him more.

Dildos For Christmas

Merry Christmas to me!

Errrr...what the hell is that? This was our thought last night at a Christmas party we went to. We did one of those white elephant gift exchanges. My hubby thought I was a total pussy when I was too prude to bring my boob soap on a rope or my beer helmet from college as a contribution to the fun. Boy was he right! One of my coworkers opened a nicely wrapped gift to reveal a huge dildo that looked something like this one! Of course, everyone speculated who brought it, but noone was brave enough to claim it. I felt like an even bigger chicken when another gift was opened to reveal a set of 3 juggling boobs. Who knew teacher Christmas parties could be so raunchy?

Lucky for us we brought junk to give away and we received good stuff! I won a Starbucks gift card (SCORE--Now I can get a couple of fru-fru drinks for free!) and the new Madonna CD. The CD is fun to listen to... I have to say Madonna has reinvented herself again. It is all club music and the truth is I want to hear loud rap music when I drive to work not club music. I think I will leave the CD at home for parties. As I played it last night I was reminded of a time in a gay night club with good friends--very similar music. Ahhh...good times.:)

There is a new SpyCgirl in town!

Hello and welcome to my new blog. Check back soon for an interesting read!

Me too!

This keeps popping up in emails lately, but I still have to share it! It is so fucking wrong!